The Stories We Believe About Ourselves

The Stories That Shape Us

The stories we believe about ourselves affect every part of our lives, yet most of us never stop to question where they came from. For years, I believed many negative stories, without even realising how they were affecting me.

At school and college, I was considered bright, but because I struggled to concentrate, study and apply myself, I was often labelled as lazy and unmotivated. I accepted those labels as truth and began believing I wasn't disciplined enough. I also convinced myself I was average at most things, not good enough or talented creatively, I was shy and I lacked confidence.

I also believed what other people told me about myself because I was too young to question it. Alongside those labels, I formed my own beliefs from my experiences. Together, they shaped how I saw myself and the person I believed I could become.

How Those Stories Begin

When we're children, we don't have the awareness to question what we're told. If we're criticised a lot, we begin believing there's something wrong with us. If we're constantly compared to other people, we start believing we'll never measure up. If our needs were never met, if we were dismissed a lot and made to question our feelings, we learn to hide them. Gradually, those messages become the way we see ourselves, and we never ask ourselves if they are actually true.

If you fail an exam, does that mean you're unintelligent? If someone criticises your creativity, does that mean you're not creative? Of course not. The experience isn't the problem. It's the meaning we attach to it. We experience something, then decide what it says about us. Failing an exam becomes, "I'm not intelligent."Repeated criticism becomes,"I'm not good enough."Struggling with confidence becomes,"I'll never be confident."

Over time, those conclusions become negative beliefs. Eventually, we stop saying, "This happened to me," and start saying, "This is who I am."

The Beliefs I Carried

For years, I carried negative beliefs that were not true and some were never mine to begin with. I believed I wasn't creative enough, despite spending my childhood making things and loving art. I believed I lacked discipline because I found it difficult to pay attention in school, when the reality was that I had undiagnosed ADHD and simply learn things differently. I believed I wasn't capable of more because I'd accepted those beliefs without ever questioning them. Just because you've believed something about yourself for years doesn't make it true.

You Can Change Your Story

Things changed when I started questioning what I believed about myself. I asked myself what was fact and what was simply not true. I realised that many of the beliefs I'd been living by weren't really mine. They had been shaped by childhood experiences, other people's opinions and years of repetition. Once I recognised that, I could decide which ones I wanted to keep and which ones I wanted to let go of. That's why I think it's so important to question the stories we believe about ourselves. The stories we believe about ourselves shape the choices we make, the opportunities we take and the lives we create. So be very careful of the stories you are telling yourself.

I am constantly changing the stories I tell myself to reflect where I am in life and where I want to go. Every time I outgrow a chapter, I rewrite the story I tell myself about who I am. As that story changes, my beliefs begin to change too, and gradually my actions start to align with the person I'm becoming.

The beautiful thing is that we're not stuck with the stories we've always believed. We have the ability to rewrite them at any time. We don't have to let our past define our future. We can choose a new story, reinforce it through the choices we make each day and, over time, become the person we once only imagined we could be.

Journaling Exercise: How to Change a Belief

Choose one negative belief about yourself that you would like to change. It might be something like, I’m not confident, I’m not creative, I’m not disciplined or I’m not good enough.

Step 1: Write the belief down

Complete this sentence:

The belief I want to change is…

Write it exactly as it appears in your mind.

Step 2: Explore where it came from

When did I first begin believing this?

Did someone say this to me, or did I form the belief after a particular experience?

Whose voice does this belief sound like?

Write down any memories, comments or experiences that may have contributed to it.

Step 3: Question whether it is true

Is this belief a fact, or is it an interpretation?

Does it describe who I am, or does it describe something I experienced?

Have there been times when this belief was not true?

Look for evidence that challenges the old belief. For example, if you believe you are not confident, think of moments when you spoke up, tried something new or handled a difficult situation.

Step 4: Decide what you want to believe instead

Write a new statement that feels honest and possible.

Instead of: I’m not confident.

Try: I am learning to trust myself and speak up more.

Instead of: I’m not creative.

Try: Creativity is part of me, and I can strengthen it by using it.

Your new statement does not need to feel completely true yet. It only needs to point you in the direction you want to grow.

Step 5: Choose one action that supports the new belief

If I believed this new statement, what would I do differently today?

Choose one small action. You might share an idea, start a creative project, speak honestly, set a boundary or complete something you have been avoiding.

Step 6: Record the evidence

At the end of the day, write down what you did and what it showed you about yourself.

Complete this sentence: Today I showed myself that…

This helps you notice evidence that supports the new belief.

Step 7: Repeat

Return to the new statement regularly and continue choosing actions that support it. An old belief may still appear, especially if you have carried it for years. Notice it without treating it as the truth, then remind yourself of the new evidence you are creating.

Over time, the new belief becomes stronger because you are no longer only writing it down. You are living it.